[ga] Tommy Registrar and the Gatecrashers

["Richard Henderson" <richardhenderson@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Full article here: http://www.circleid.com/article/1023_0_1_0_C/

Here's a story, and you know what they say: Truth is stranger than Fiction:

TOMMY REGISTRAR AND THE GATECRASHERS
(or, Mr ICANN's Party for .Professionals all goes wrong)

Mr ICANN decides to hold a party. He has decided that he only wants to ask some of his professional friends to come, so they are asked to bring their party invites with them to prove they've been invited, because poor Mr ICANN has had trouble before with people gatecrashing his parties. At a sunrise party he'd held a few years ago, all kinds of people had gatecrashed and no-one had asked to see their invites and it was dreadful.

So Mr ICANN hires a bouncer to stand guard at the front door of his house. The bouncer, Johnny Registry, assures Mr ICANN that no-one will get in without an invite.

"You are clear about that, aren't you?" says Mr ICANN. "That's why I've hired you. I only want my professional friends. You promise to check each invite and let no-one else in?"

"Yes boss, I'm clear about that," says Johnny Registry. "You can rely on me."

So the party begins. To be honest, it was very slow getting going, because Mr ICANN's travel directions were so complicated that half his friends had got lost on the way. Anyway, after a while one of the guests, Tommy Registrar, gets a bit restless because he's been trying to sell tickets for a raffle and he hasn't sold many.

So he comes up to the front door and has a chat with Johnny Registry the bouncer. "It's a bit quiet, Johnny old feller. I think it's time we livened things up, and I've got a plan. If it works, I'll share some of my raffle takings with you."

"OK," says Johnny, "but remember: I'll get fired if I let anyone in without an invite."

"Don't worry," says Tommy Registrar. "They'll all have an invite."

So Tommy Registrar gets on his mobile phone and phones hundreds of his mates. "Yeah, and spread the word to anyone else you know. All welcome. Just meet me at the back door and buy one of my raffle tickets."

Soon hundreds of people are crowding around the back door. "But we haven't got invitations so the bouncer guy won't let us in."

"Don't worry guys. Johnny Registry's a mate of mine. I'll get you in." Then Tommy Registrar says to the first stranger, "Listen. Buy one of my raffle tickets first, then I'll lend you my invite and you can take it round the front and he'll let you in."

So the stranger goes round the front, and shows the party invite to Johnny Registry. "Is this yours?" says Johnny.

"Well no," replies the stranger, "but your friend Thomas said you'd let me in on his invite!"

"Yeah, OK then" says Johnny Registry. "In yer go then. Just act perfeshnal."

The stranger goes in, and returns the party invite. So Thomas lends his party invite to hundreds more people, making sure to sell a raffle ticket each time, and Johnny Registry lets each one in. "You've got an invite - you can go straight in." I'm going to make a good bit of money out of this, he thinks.

After a while, the house is full of complete strangers.

Mr ICANN, who's been on the phone to Argentina in his bedroom, comes downstairs to find mayhem. The house is full of strangers. Freddie C*nt.xxx is chatting up Sally F*uck.xxx, and there are loads of Sluts.xxx who look... well... both 'pro' and 'sluts' at the same time. Most of Mr ICANN's genuine professional friends are thinking of leaving.

So Mr ICANN goes to the front door, where Tommy Registrar is just handing Johnny Registry a bundle of notes. "What's going on?" asks Mr ICANN. "I told you to keep a strict watch on who you allowed in, and they had to have an invite."

"They did have an invite" said Johnny Registry. "Honest, boss!"

"So where's your invite?" asks Mr ICANN turning to Freddie C*nt.xxx.

"He lent me his f*cking invite!" yells Freddie, pointing at Thomas. "What's it got to do with you, you stupid pussy.xxx! Now f*ck.xxx off!"

"I hired you to keep gatecrashers out," said Mr ICANN to Johnny Registry. "You've let thousands of total strangers into the house! Why didn't you come and get me? Why did you go against my express wishes?"

Johnny Registry, whose pockets are bulging with wads of dollars, shrugs his shoulders and says to Tommy Registrar: "Come on, Tommy. Let's go and have a drink. We don't have to listen to him."

And they turn their backs on Mr ICANN and ignore all his complaints.

Mr ICANN stares in disbelief as more and more people pour in through the wide open door of the house.

"I hired him to follow my instructions. He's ignored them. He's done the exact opposite of what I told him. He's let everyone in on a single ticket."

"You ought to fire him," whispers Dr. Honest.xxx.xxx who is in the process of leaving the party.

"Maybe you're right" sighs Mr ICANN, stroking his beard. "Oh, but come to my next party. It's going to be at the .Travel Inn and I promise there won't be any gatecrashers there.

But the doctor has gone too far down the garden path to hear old ICANN's words, which are drowned out by the noise and shouting coming from inside the house.